How to Survive Quarantine (without going crazy!) Part 2

As I prepared to talk more about surviving social distancing and quarantine during Covid-19, I realized that my experience with being housebound goes beyond my own chronic ill-health, but includes being homeschooled in the country in a state with notoriously bad winters.

Right now that probably sounds really rough, right? But ACTUALLY it was great. We had so much space (physical and mentally) to learn and create, to have adventures and pretend! Socially it was difficult for the most intense period of that, but we got through it. And now I've got so much to share with all of you!

In my first post I talked about broad ideas for coping with being stuck at home. In this post, I'm going to discuss specific activities that have helped me deal with being isolated at various periods of my life. I'll also give you some resources to get started on anything that catches your fancy! And I've tried to throw in some pretty unique options that you might not have seen anywhere else.

Grow Plants
The #1 activity I suggest for everyone right now is to grow something. Whether it's starting an avocado tree, doing an herb or mushroom farm, some pots on a porch, or digging up your lawn, you'll get the emotional boost of nurturing new life and hopefully some tasty food! Plus if you ARE digging up your lawn, you'll get exercise and sunlight which are great for your immune system. I first started gardening as a chronically ill recluse four years ago when we moved into our house. Many days I could only work 10-15 minutes, but I gradually built up strength and the garden was healing AND helpful on our budget! I'm actually running a series of tips over on my instagram designed to encourage and assist anyone who wants to dive into starting a garden this year! Follow the tag, #gardeninthetimeofcovid19 on @elenatintil. You will be surprised at what you can grow on a very small amount of land! And yes, even in MN there are steps to start NOW!

Magic your Recycling into a Miniature Wonderland
One of my favorite childhood memories is the day my siblings and I created an entire miniature ski resort from cardboard, straws, string, egg cartons, and other bits of recycling. It was huge. We had the whole slope with a variety of obstacles, a ski lift, and a chalet complete with a little shop.

At other points in time we made a town and countless castles and houses of Popsicle sticks and glue guns. One time my sister made a complete Roman villa with intricate tiles and an elaborate fountain with 'water' made from hot glue.

Making miniatures is a popular hobby nowadays because it allows us to express home decorating and architecture desires without needing a lot of space or money. You really can get ridiculously creative with things you would ordinarily throw in the trash. Whether it's a solo activity or something you do with your kids, it's a great way to convince your mind that you are living in a larger world...at least for a little while!

Refashion Clothes
Shopping for new clothes (even thrifted ones) might be restricted for awhile. So why not jazz up your old ones? There are many tutorials and ideas across the internet, pinterest, and even my own sewing blog. Add some embroidery, beadwork, trim, fancy sleeves, or even turn some of your clothes into new clothes for your kids! You'll be surprised at how little technical skill you need to begin making some radical transformations.

Make a Webcomic to Share--with photos!
You don't need to be an artist to tell a story with pictures. Use your camera and something poseable--your kids, your animals, your Lego collection, and add captions. Continue the story every day and keep your mind working and your friends entertained!

Adopt a Pet
This one depends on your state and rescue agency and what is open right now. However, there is nothing like an affectionate furry friend to help get you through 'stuck-in-the-house' doldrums. My dog, Mateo, was the bundle of fluffy joy that helped us manage three really tough years. Of course, I only advocate adopting if you are in it for the long haul, regardless of future moves or family additions, and you'll need to make provisions for socializing and training your new pet without risking exposure.

Organize your Photos
Personally I find assembling photobooks online to be pretty addicting. You might even call it...a game! In today's world, we often don't bother to print out photos, however it becomes a real slog to dig through and look back at past years, especially if you've switched phone and computer operating systems over the years. Now is a great time to go through and make books of at least some special events. You can save them on the websites and wait for a good deal or a paycheck to come through before ordering.

Write a Fanfiction
Whether you are a professional writer or just a bored fan, Fanfiction is the perfect immersive activity to while away the hours.Fanfiction and freeform RPG story writing were activities that really got me through a serious stress of illness in my early twenties, particularly when my depression and brain fog were too heavy to work on my novel. It is especially fun to do as a group project, as waiting for new chapters to appear in your inbox gives you something to look forward to.

Write your Novel
Now if you have a dream to publish a novel, this period of being stuck at home is a really good chance to get a big portion written. After all, if you can't write it now...when?

That said, this is a really heavy time in our culture and it may be very difficult to write. If you can manage to make it cathartic or escapist, good, but if it's weighing you down and making this already stressful time worse, don't push it.

Perfect your Handwriting
There's a third kind of writing that you can do right now and it's literally the art of beautiful letters. Elegant or even legible handwriting has become an art of the past, but one that is still appreciated by many people. If you've ever dreamed of having nicer handwriting, now might be a good time to work on improvement. I decided I wanted my handwriting to look like Jane Austen's, so I downloaded a Jane Austen font and schooled myself in it, writing practice lines every night (from Pride and Prejudice of course!). Just 10-15 minutes a day can really improve your skills.

I've also had fun learning calligraphy, copperplate, and a variety of artistic lettering styles over the years. There are many resources and tutorials available online.

Learn how to Draw
Drawing is a hugely therapeutic activity. No matter your level, there is always something you can teach yourself using the many, many tutorials online. Long time blog readers will remember that my drawing skills made a massive increase after I had a major surgery and recovery in 2012, and I went on a dress design binge when my fibro and chronic migraines confined me to my chair for six months in 2015 and 2016. I experimented with pencils, pens, markers, acrylics, and digital mediums during these periods.

At the very least, you can use up those adult coloring books you bought back in 2015.


Make Costumes for Dolls/Toys
So here's the fun thing: you don't need to sew. Seriously. Glue, tape, pins, safety pins, or just rudimentary sewing skills...anything to get your fabric, paper, ribbon, etc, to stay in place. Make crazy costumes to amuse yourself, your kids, or your friends (online). Make them for action figures, barbies, or paper dolls. You can even make a paperdoll of yourself, your kids, or that coworker you want to annoy, and then create all kinds of crazy paper clothes for them.

Or just hop over to dolldivine.com and spend hours playing on their dollmakers. It's so addicting and very calming.

Review everything you've ever bought
If you go in your amazon account, you can find everything you've ever bought on the website and review it. Let people know what was awesome and what was not. Books, movies, clothes, baby paraphernalia...warn or encourage. Maybe even throw in some humor. With online ordering becoming even more vital these days, honest reviews are also a needed public service.

Do a staged reading of a play
A trend I'm seeing among my theater friends is to do acapella covers of musical numbers. But it would also be pretty fun to see staged readings of some open domain plays like Shakespeare or Oscar Wilde! Round up some friends, assign parts, and someone to edit it all together into your own recording to share...or not!

Learn how to do an archaic, old-timey skill
If you grew up reading Little House on the Prairie or you're into playing D&D, or you're obsessed with the Civil War, chances are there is some archaic skill that you've always thought "I should learn to do that." Why not now? Look up tutorials on YouTube, order some candlemaking supplies, and bust out that pottery wheel you got for Christmas ten years ago!

Or maybe, you know, learn how to darn those socks that have been sitting in the back of your drawer for five years.

Most of all, stay calm, stay cheerful, and have patience.
These skills don't come naturally, but are more important to cultivate than ever!

How to Survive Quarantine (Without Going Crazy) Part 1

With mass quarantine rippling out worldwide in the wake of the Coronavirus, I thought I would share some tips on surviving being stuck at home for long periods of time. As many of you know, I've suffered chronic health issues for over a decade and have a lot of personal experience in making the most of life in the same four walls for weeks or months on end. So if you are looking on how to preserve your sanity along with your health, this article might just be a lifesaver!

Not all of these are applicable if you are actively, seriously sick, and your energy should always be firstly on providing yourself and your loved ones with rest and nutrients. However, mental health remains important as well, so if you are in recovery, staying home to minimize exposure, or if you have a light case, or trying to keep your kids busy while you rest up, here are some ideas that I have found to be real sanity savers over the years.

Your Home is Your Sanctuary

The single most important concept of surviving intense geographical limitation is to make sure that the area you inhabit is an area that makes you happy. Peace and joy are immune strengtheners while stress and depression knock you down. So tidy up. Organize. Get that new piece of wall decor you've been eyeing. Wash the windows. Paint the room. Add mood lights. Get a plant. Wash or replace the curtains/furniture covers. Toss the clutter. Rearrange furniture to help the house feel 'new.' When you are sick, tidiness will slide, so make it a priority when you are feeling well, and keep your housemates/family on the same page.

Communicate...Long Distance

Be clear about your health and ask about the health of others. But beyond that, spend intentional time connecting with others. Write an email to someone you haven't seen in awhile. Fill them in on your life and ask about theirs. Schedule video chats. Call your mom. Start a virtual book club. Join some facebook hobby groups that are focused on non-COVID topics. Follow some uplifting tags on Instagram, and make sure to leave meaningful comments on social media photos of friends and family. You never know when you might reconnect with someone!

Communicate...Short Distance

If you have housemates or family members living with you, you might suddenly find yourselves spending a LOT more time together. Talk about what everyone needs in terms of personal space and time and figure out how to manage everyone's needs. Worry and sickness can make it more difficult to remain neutral and pleasant in conversation and you may find yourselves snapping at each other. Be mindful. If you slip up, apologize. An apology is such a heartwarming thing. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Use "I feel" language instead of "you did this" language. Extroverts need to give introverts their space, and introverts need to mindfully initiate contact with extroverts. Take care of each other.

If/when you get sick...be kind to your caregiver. Say thank you. Be the patient for them that you hope they will be for you.

If you take care of someone else...be cheerful. Check in on them. Help them get better faster. Be the caregiver you hope they will be for you, if only in the sense of being clearly aware of what THEY need.

Innovate in the Kitchen

Between being stuck at home, finding finances tighter, and needing to fill yourselves with healthy and not junk food, you may find yourself getting really bored of your diet really fast. One of the best things you can do is use your energy to cook some meals that are healthy and delicious. Cook in bulk so that you have plenty of leftovers in the fridge and freezer, so that you have good, enticing food at home to eliminate the desire to go out and buy cheap, unhealthy craving food in germ-transmissable areas.

Streaming is Your Friend...When You Laugh

While it may be a good time to cut back on excessive streaming services, keeping one or rotating a few may be key to getting through this pandemic, especially when you are too sick to do much else. However, keep in mind that laughter is healing and stress is weakening! So skip the horror and suspense and keep to the hilarious and heartwarming. Rewatch old favorites and ask friends for recommendations. Swapping DVD sets now before Coronavirus hits your community might be wise, but DVD cases are also fairly easy to sterilize and dropoffs can be prudently managaged.


E-Books Don't Carry Germs

I love a good book when I'm sick. I've got a whole host of recommended titles over on this page. While I haven't stopped borrowing library books, it's probably wise to stock up BEFORE you have to go into quarantine and before your community gets hit, to minimize germs spreading from person to person contact. Once COVID arrives in your community, it's probably wise to let your books sit unread and untouched for a few days after picking them up, to ensure any germs sticking around are dead. If even that contact isn't a good idea for you, check into your library's system for borrowing e-books. Even if you don't have an e-reader, you can read on your phone or laptop. Amazon Prime members can borrow some books for free (I just enjoyed "The Mark of the Raven" this way), or you can subscribe to Kindle Unlimited for many more titles (my own novel, "The Mermaid and the Unicorn" is available in KU). You can also sign up for Bookbub, which sends you a list of new ebook deals (free or very cheap) every Sunday.

Audiobooks, podcasts, and webcomics are also excellent timefillers to amuse and enlighten.

Check Your Pinterest Backlog

Bored? Open your pinterest and start going through your boards. You might be surprised by the diy projects, family game ideas, and housecleaning tips that you pinned five years ago and never got around to doing.

Marie Kondo It

As your house seems smaller, you'll find more and more impetus to throw stuff out and create space! Might be an excellent time to sort through your wardrobe, bookshelf, or collection of shotglasses to clear things out. Just don't donate anything until you are well and the items no longer contain live viruses.

Go Green

As toilet paper disappears, your budget crunches, and you have some sedentary time to fold laundry, it might be a good opportunity to implement some new processes in your house. Family Cloth is rising in popularity these days as a toilet paper alternative...but if that is too extreme, you can switch to cloth napkins and use your paper napkins as backup toilet paper. Sewing your own cloth napkins could be a satisfying project, and easy enough for any sewing novices or youngsters in the household to assist with.

Family Game Night

I'm not talking Monopoly. Remember what I said about stress and the immune system? (And probably not "Pandemic" either, as much as I love that game!). However there are a bajillion and four tabletop boardgames to enjoy these days. I particularly enjoy cooperative games such as the Harry Potter "Battle for Hogwarts", however I'm always down for raising sheep and wheat in "Catan", building railways in "Ticket to Ride", or hoarding coins as Prince John in Disney's "Villainous." Facebook is a great way to crowdsource recommendations from people who know you personally, and you could swap games with friends as well, as long as you thoughtfully mitigate germs hopping along. If you live on your own, or run out of two-player options to play with your one housemate, you can register for an account on Steam or a similar service and play remotely with friends and family.

Go On Adventures Without Leaving Your Living Room

...and on a similar note, perhaps it's time to look into starting an Role Playing Game via video chat or an old-fashioned email chain? During the six years of our marriage, one way my husband and I coped with being extremely housebound was hosting a regular role-playing group with our friends. Although I could rarely physically leave my living room, I still managed to rescue victims, explore new cities, start rebellions, and exchange witty repartee with my friends. If you have a large family/roomie situation or one other household you can exclusively meet with, you can manage an in-person group. However I've also had great fun with video chat sessions, or text-based rpg via chat, email, or forums. There are many systems you can play for free, and dice rolls can be generated via apps, so there is little to no financial barrier.

Get started on exploring these options, or check out my second post of more specialized suggestions!

The Mandalorian (Season 1)

We were supposed to start "The Mandalorian" on December 27th, 2019, the day episode 8 dropped. That was the plan. Wait until it was all out, then binge the whole thing! No nasty cliffhangers.

Then some friends basically said "here you go, have some Disney Plus, and WATCH THE MANDALORIAN."

Well. We couldn't argue with that.

For the most part I'm tremendously grateful. Except for the part where we watched episode 7 right before Christmas even though my husband had been spoiled and knew there was a nasty cliffhanger and I had to go into Christmas wondering WHAT HAPPENED TO--------- [redacted for spoilers]-----????

Anyhow, if you are reading this and haven't watched the show yet, unless you fall asleep or the power goes out or you have some pressing work commitment, nothing should keep you from going from episode 7 into episode 8.

Lucky you!!!!

Although let's be honest, at around 35 minutes an episode (with rather gratuitous end credits), this might be one of the easiest shows to binge watch ever. It's an interesting choice, as live action drama usually stretches 45-52 minutes here in the States. However it works surprising well in "The Mandalorian," perhaps in part because at least some of the creative team has been honing their skills on the animated Star Wars shows and are used to a shorter format. As parents catching the episodes during baby's naps, my husband and I appreciated the the length!

Preamble accomplished, what did I think of the actual show? Well, I thought it was exactly the STAR WARS show that we need. Something largely unconnected to the Skywalker saga (although with plenty of easter eggs), part episodic, part overarching plot, a fun callback to the western-style format (capture all those Firefly fans, y'know), a likeable, laconic hero with the cutest ever sidekick...

...we all know 2019 is going to go down as the year of Baby Yoda.

My largest frustration with the show was the glaring lack of female characters during the first three episodes. STAR WARS has come so far, and done such a better job in recent years with balancing things out (haha), that it just felt plain weird to have a single female speak during the first three episodes. And it would have been SO easy to make almost any one of the other secondary characters be female. I was confused, disappointed, and sad. Honestly, it helped me understand why there is such an outcry in general over representation in storytelling. I don't think I've ever felt so...invisible before. So, personal realization moment there!

Now, of course, the show DID redeem itself in that regard with episode #4 being extremely female-centric, and a couple of other good uses of females coming through later. Still, after episode #3 I was struggling, feeling that the showrunners were banking on keeping the female audience largely through Baby Yoda's existence.

I won't lie. I was watching mostly for Baby Yoda.

That issue aside, I really did enjoy the show. I thought it was engaging, funny, well-written for the most part (with a few mis-steps in the middle), and a good expansion of the cinematic STAR WARS universe.

My hands-down favorite two scenes were a) Mando's seige of the Jawa cruiser, and b) the opening scene of episode 8 which I won't spoil but totally had me in stitches.

I loved seeing some actual live action Twi-lek characters even though they were pretty weird. (I played a twi-lek in one RPG...and she had an older brother! ha...but she wasn't a Harley Quinn wannabe) I had zero interest in Mandalorian culture prior to watching the show, but now I have appreciation for why there are die hard Mandalorian fans (even though I'm also aware that the show portrays just one tribe of Mandalorians).

We were a little thrown by the appearance of Uruk Hai in episode 4 (which appears to have taken place in Minnesota, lol), and we appreciated the exploration of droids, the effect (or non effect) of the Rebellion, and the big reveal at the end which I won't spoil but certainly has interesting connotations for the next season.

I remember hearing, about fifteen years ago, that George Lucas wanted to do a live action STAR WARS show. My mind was blown. How could such a thing be financially possible? What kind of miracle would this be?

But now, honestly, in this day of superhero TV galore, the surprise is not that we have a live action STAR WARS tv show, but rather that it has taken this long to exist. That said, it was worth waiting for the show to be done right, and I personally don't think Disney could have done much better for their initial foray than they have with Season One of "The Mandalorian." Is it perfect? Clearly not. Is it perfect for what we needed right now?

Oh yes.

And I can't wait to see what they do with "Obi-Wan."

2009 and 2019, dreams and reality

For many of you reading this, the '10's have been the biggest decade of your lives. College, career, travel, marriage, children, vocations, and many amazing personal achievements are some of the things I see my friends celebrating on Facebook.

I also see honest acknowledgement of the hardships that have made us grow. The sorrows of the '10's have also been harsh. Illness, divorce, abuse, addiction, estrangement, poverty, disillusionment, infertility, job loss, disability, and loneliness have been endured by so many that I care about. 

But even just being here is a win. Surviving is a win. Even if you don't feel a list of achievements exists for you, it may be that simply staying alive has been a struggle for you. 

When I turned 29, I struggled. I'd wanted to travel more, write more, and have at least one child by that point. I felt like I'd failed. My mentor told me that most people didn't really start achieving their 'big' things until they hit their 50's. (Hey, Bilbo and Frodo could attest to that!) I didn't find it terribly comforting at the time, but seeing how much I've grown in the past two years, and how much I've accomplished and survived, all gives me a lot of hope and anticipation for the next two decades. Because it's still 20 years until I hit my 50's and that's quite a lot of time, really, to gear up for doing my really big things!

Of course, I'm sure a big part of that number has to do with the fact that many, many, people are busy raising children between the ages of 20 and 50. Whether a homemaker or a breadwinner, a huge amount of focus and planning is around the children. This year has taught me so much about learning how to prioritize and work in tiny spurts. (The blog has been the sufferer in this, I'll freely admit!) I can only imagine how efficient my life is going to be once I have had 20 years of practice and suddenly I'm not homeschooling anymore! 

Ten years ago I was wrapping up a feature length film (the Shadow of the Bear). I was also packing my bags to head off to Virginia to be a nanny and tutor for six children for three months! I was in the midst of a big rewrite of my first book, and I'd already tried and left college twice due to health issues. I'd come off a big health programme that was to give me the energy I needed to get through the next two years.

I had so many dreams.

Reality has been harder, bigger, and more rewarding than my dreams. The past ten years have been battle after battle--but also full of love and joy that I could not have imagined. While of course I do not want to climb the mountains again, I would not change them, because standing here with my husband and daughter is a reality more beautiful and cherished than any I dreamed. 

Next stop: Getting that fifth draft of "The Professor and the Siren" finished up... 

#procrastinatingonthenovel #Ishouldbewriting #backtoparis 

Brightly Burning (or Jane Eyre in Space)

I recently ordered a bunch of books from the library that were supposed to appeal to the same crowd as Marissa Meyer's "Cinder." The first three or so I read were...okay. A couple were depressing. One ("Stitching Snow") was actually pretty good but I'd recommend only with caveats for those who have abuse trauma. And at last, "Brightly Burning" by Alexa Donne was FANTASTIC.

Honestly? I put off reading "Brightly Burning" toward the end because the premise, "Jane Eyre in Outer Space as YA" sounded like a recipe for a terrible mash-up. I've read so many Jane Austen redos that were so disappointing. And YA? I'm so tired of YA cliches...

BUT.

SURPRISE.

"Brightly Burning" is really good. Not just as a retelling, but as a stand alone book. I would have enjoyed Stella Ainsley, her world, her friends, and her adventure on their own. Stella is a refreshing change from the typical YA heroine, and the cast of characters are an engaging bunch.

However, as a retelling of a beloved classic, "Brightly Burning" is stellar (pun intended!). It took all the best parts of Charlotte Bronte's classic, mixed them up, added a few twists and turns, and presented them as a brand new story. Stella is a pitch perfect Jane, and Hugo Fairfax is a surprisingly well done Rochester. And I really, really did not think that a 19-year-old guy in a YA novel could possibly compare to the original Rochester...but he actually does. And yes, the book is appropriate for a YA audience. The changes that Donne made to transition her characters work well, staying true to the spirit of the original while adjusting to accommodate a younger hero.

Perhaps most delightful of all is that this book holds plenty of surprises even for old fans of Jane Eyre. Even though I was able to quickly guess the biggest change, I could not anticipate how everything was going to roll out and was genuinely on the edge of my seat and unable to put the book down!

How's Mom? A four-month update

My daughter was four months old yesterday, which means this blog is WAY overdue for an update! Since we want to respect our daughter's privacy, this post will focus largely on myself and how I've made the transition to motherhood. However I can share that Katie is very healthy, VERY strong, meeting all her milestones, and charming us every day with her easy temperament and infectious laughter.
As for Mama? I'm doing really good. Not perfect--the headaches I've struggled with for years are back, but right now they seem easier to tame than previously. I can't remember the last time I was in the ER with a migraine. Yet despite having about two difficult headaches a month, my post-pregnancy life has been an improvement in life.

My pregnancy was difficult. Crippling morning sickness for the first half, then extreme fatigue and a VERY low baby made for reduced mobility and high discomfort for the second half, not to mention the month of prodromal labor (while my baby's position was +1! That's VERY low, most babies don't get that low until active labor!)

Postpartum recovery, on the other hand, has been really good. My body is really enjoying the hormones of breastfeeding, and that coupled with a great new chiropractor has resulted in a reduction in my shoulder and head pain. Good nutrition care from my naturopath, good support from my family, enough sleep, and I've been blessed to be able to fully enjoy my baby.

Make no mistake, this would not be the case without my support team. My health issues mean I do not sleep efficiently, and my deafness means that I can't hear Katie when I'm asleep, so my body has so far refused to relax enough to let me sleep when I'm home alone (and yes, we've looked into/tried/eliminated many helpful ideas). My family has arranged for a superb level of accommodation and assistance , and I'm forever indebted to them. They allow me to feel like a super mom!

Going into motherhood, I set my expectations for breastfeeding very low. I knew that this could be the hardest part for sufferers of fibromyalgia pain, and I was prepared to be okay if my body gave out after a month. It definitely was difficult on my body to get through the first month when baby and I were learning everything. However I am super thrilled (and feel tremendously blessed) to mark four months of exclusive breastfeeding as of today! After a lifetime of feeling like my body just was not up to the mark, I am astounded and grateful to have had excellent supply, neither over nor under. Lots of thanks to Mother's Milk tea, lots of oatmeal, and a husband who learned quicker than I did how to execute a perfect latch and became my personal lactation coach those first few weeks. (An involved and educated dad can be SUCH a help!)

We also discovered pretty quickly that doing some pumping was a great stress-buster, as it allows me to sleep through a feeding and lets other family members have a turn bonding during feedings. This isn't a good option for babies who won't take a bottle or suffer from nipple confusion, but somehow we introduced it well enough at the right time and had the right baby and it all worked out.

There have been hiccups, of course, mainly sleeping, colic and allergen issues, but after some trial and error and seeking expert advice we have ironed those out and it makes a huge difference for baby. I cannot recommend highly enough being aware of the effects of food allergies, trying elimination diets, and learning what acid reflux in babies looks like (and how to manage it). Now we're entering the world of nap schedules and teething and a baby who is starting to get mobile...wheeeeee!

Now past the first three months, I'm in the next phase, which is integrating regular life with baby life. I'm learning to balance that desire to do nothing but play with my baby all day with things I need to do for my home, my work, and myself. I'm working on finishing the home organization that a March flood and a month of crippling prodromal labor interrupted. Cooking is happening (I even made a beet and potato pie with a phenomenal new gluten free pastry crust recipe I found), and I'm managing a very low maintenance garden this year. I'm finding times to do some sewing and, yes, even some editing on "The Professor and the Siren." Writing is the most difficult part of all this, because Baby Brain/Mom Brain is real and I'm struggling to hold all the threads of the story in my head at once.

Due Dates, Prodromal Labor, and Expectations

Where is baby? Her due date is tomorrow!

Still hiding out!

(I swear, I start mentally composing blog posts about non-baby topics, but never have the energy to actually type them up. So here's a baby update for the curious, and for the non-baby-interested crowd...thanks for your patience. Go check out the new Padme Amidala book "Queen's Shadow" by E.K. Johnston. Slow start, but awesome read for anyone who wants a story about Leia's mom without any Anakin in it. It's the novel I waited 20 years for, and worth the wait.)

We've been going through something called Prodromal labor, which seems to have a few different definitions depending on whom you talk to. Basically I've been having real contractions for the past three weeks, but they never get close enough together for long enough to turn into active labor. I'll have the daytime hours where I'm achey and crampy and sore with plenty of braxton hicks, but not really contracting , and then at night it'll get painful and intense and close to the real thing and I'll wonder "should I wake up Nathan and start timing them..."

...aaaaaand then they stop.

Yes, things like "spinning babies" and "red raspberry leaf tea" and "chiropractic adjustment" and "acupuncture/acupressure" have all been part of our common vocabulary and toolkit...but baby's not ready yet.

Every day things change a little bit and I can tell that we are getting a little closer to the real thing...but not there yet. (Midwife told me that baby was so low that most women have already gone into labor at this point. HAHA.)

Everyone keeps saying that maybe all this progress will make for a quicker labor, which is very possible, but I'm trying not to dwell too much on that because then I have visions of not making it to the birth center on time!!! (Not really a realistic fear, since this is my first baby, but I have a vivid imagination. That's part of being an author!)

The psychological drain is the most difficult. It's been a real lesson in patience (again!) and trust as I try to remain at peace with God's timing and accept that my body is going to keep doing this and I just have to work through it and believe that at some point this child WILL actually emerge.

(I mean, everyone is promising me that. They'd better be right.)

On the plus side, I FINALLY gained some decent weight. The first half of pregnancy was so difficult with the nausea that I only lost weight, and it was really hard to gain anything even after the nausea went away. Everyone would say "you look so cute!" and I'd just think "if I wasn't pregnant, I'd look like a starving woman, SERIOUSLY." Thankfully my nutritionist was very confident that baby was getting what she needed, and everything medically backed that up, so I was never too stressed about it, but honestly I was at a point where I almost cried from happiness when someone actually said "you are so BIG" because I needed that validation at that point!!!

Also, huzzah, Minnesota finally embraced spring. About four days ago we actually got green grass. I can go outside and not freeze!!! And on the days it rains I try to go shopping or something so I can keep moving. Baby's movements hurt me these days, but she doesn't move when I'm moving, so that's something!!!

Mateo has been on high alert since the prodromal labor started. Seriously, the days I'm the worst off he is the sweetest, and will just lay around watching me anxiously.

Nathan manages to maintain an extraordinary level of energy and cheerfulness, which is extra laudatory considering that he just saw the release of his first game as lead designer (FFG's "The Lord of the Rings: Journeys in Middle Earth") and is also seeing a period of high activity on the next project.

Tomorrow is my due date. I can't believe it. It seems like it's taken a lifetime to get here. Which I suppose it HAS...my baby's lifetime! ;) I was SO SURE that this child was coming early that I don't know quite how to wrap my mind around her being late. She certainly could still come sometime before midnight tomorrow (pleasepleaseplease), but at this point I'm not predicting anything. I was sure she was going to be skinny too and now I feel her solid little limbs moving and realize I could have quite a chunky little lass and WOW. Now I should explain, all of my other predictions/suspicions about this baby have been correct during this pregnancy. So while it may sound so silly to be thrown by these two things not manifesting the way I imagined, I have had a perfect track record until now so I feel like I did have good evidence to back myself up! Although the coming early thing really COULD have just been wishful thinking. Most moms are more than ready to be done being pregnant by the time they hit their due date.

(I'm giving birth at a freestanding birth center with midwives, and can deliver there until 42 weeks. There won't be any induction at the center unless the increased monitoring indicates a medical need to move things along.)

Readers, I would apologize for the high number of ALL CAPS in this post, but, really, this is about capturing an emotional picture, not writing a scholarly article. Those of you who have had children may comiserate, and those who haven't may find it useful for future reference (either in life or art!).

PROBABLY, HOPEFULLY, my next post will be introducing baby. But alas, it could totally be another two weeks of waiting and maybe I'll get some energy/inspiration to write about something else...