Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Sweet and the Sour

You know those times when life starts to feel strangely surreal? When you run into a bunch of weird situations and you're not sure what emotions you are supposed to have?

I'm having one of those weeks.

Friday was supposed to be a wedding day in our family, but for various reasons the wedding didn't happen. Even though we'd had a lot of time to prepare, Friday was still a pretty hard day for me. God was good though, and gave me a really wonderful evening with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile. Rarely do I have a day when I wake up feeling that sad and go to bed feeling so joyful.

Then I had a beautiful stretch of 8 days now when I've felt very, very well. As in, the best I've felt in nearly 12 months. More tired today so I don't know if the streak is ending, or if it's just allergies or something, but it's been amazing. To have energy - to be able to do more than three tasks in a single day - to be awake before noon - it's miraculous. Truly.

Also this week, through the marvels of technology, I got to video chat with the kids I used to nanny out in Virginia. I haven't seen them for two years, so the changes in the little ones were pretty huge! But they were all laughing and glad to see me and I smiled so hard it hurt.

Sunday we had a reunion of the theater troupe I did "Beauty and the Beast" and "Fiddler" with and that was really fun. I was well enough to not only go, but to enjoy it and have people compliment me on how good I was looking! It's always a bit odd in that group because I'm older than the younger people, but younger than the older people, but we all kind of mingle and it's really great.

And then in the midst of all this, my great-grandfather is passing away. We lost my great-grandmother almost exactly two years ago, and they both lived long and full lives, so there is every reason to be rejoice in his heavenly homecoming. But it's still hard. He's a remarkable man, who has lived an amazing life, and I have always really enjoyed talking to him. And so I'm trying to balance the thankfulness and the sadness. When Great-Grandma died, it was pretty sudden (although she'd been in the nursing home for years) so all of the grieving happened afterwards. With Great-Grandpa, we're having the time to let him go and it's a very different thing.

So, like I said, surreal. Good and bad mixed up all together, and somehow they make each other more poignant, but not unbearable. In a very flippant analogy, it's a lot like sweet and sour candy.

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