Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Let's Talk Sappy Facebook Statuses

My friends. Thank you for putting up with our love story.

Now, now, I don't want protests. I know many of you have greatly enjoyed my blogposts and our cute sappy statuses (like the one above... thank you again!). But I know that, when you're single or your own relationship is struggling, no matter how happy you are for someone else, it can be really hard to see their perpetual "fairy tale love story" cropping up all over your newsfeed. (Heck, I'm happily just married and sometimes the profusion of others' sappiness gets to me. And then I tell myself not to call the kettle black).

Guys. If any of you limited the amount of my posts you saw during my engagement, I don't blame you one bit. Nowadays I'm trying to keep the statuses of this sort down, although there is still a "newlywed bliss" thing going around so that's that...

As of right now, there are 16 likes on the status above and it's still growing. I appreciate every one I get. I also appreciate every friend who - maybe can't quite click like - but doesn't unfriend me or remove me from their newsfeed (even though, as I said, I understand if you just have to).

When I was engaged, I let myself be a bit more prolific with these posts for a few reasons:

  • I was going to have a short engagement (6 months)
  • You only get engaged once (usually) and it's worth enjoying
  • Because Nathan had moved from another state, and because our courtship period had been so short, I wanted to give as many of our friends as much opportunity to see what they could of our love, commitment, and suitability for each other.*
*Yes. You can only do so much of this via Facebook. But posting things he did for me, things I appreciated about him, and mutual interests were still informative. Plus, y'know, you can tell a lot from a photo...

Anyhow, yeah, there's a lot of sappiness on Facebook and it really gets to a lot of viewers, particularly the more cynical. All I can say is, when you post sap, do it responsibly and sensitively, and when you read sap, your patience is a gift to your loved ones (even if they don't realize you're giving it).

So once again, thank you for being happy (or patient) and I'm so grateful for your continued interest in my life, which often seems incomprehensible to me.


Allison said...

Thank you; this is very well said.

I am not in a relationship - nor have I been - and so usually prolific relationship statuses bother me. But interestingly, your updates didn't bother me once. Perhaps it's because you still didn't post as often as some of my other friends did, or perhaps because you effectively communicated your honest happiness and not just seemingly ridiculous, pointless, sappy, annoying posts.

I appreciate your genuine sharing with us; its truly uplifting to see your relationship flourish!

Abigail said...

It's good to be sensitive of other people who (for whatever personal reasons) don't like seeing blatant displays of affection on Facebook or other social media.
BUT, also don't be ashamed of your feelings. Healthy marriages must include respecting your spouse,and the most obvious way to do that is not speaking badly about him/her in public. Another way is to praise him/her in public. Just the act of mentioning good things about your spouse reinforces affection for him/her. EVEN (and this is from personal experience), you might be ticked at something s/he did earlier that day.
You're married. You made the commitment to stay married and love the other person. A great way to do that is focusing on all the lovable things about that person.
So should you make out in front of your single friends who you know wish they weren't single? No.
Should you feel guilty for respecting and loving your husband enough that you want others to know you respect and love him? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
Men thrive on knowing we're proud of them.
And we have awesome husbands. Perfect? No. But neither are we.
It makes me feel sick when I hear spouses verbally putting each other down in public.
But pretty much everybody enjoys seeing an old couple holding hands.
The way those old people got so old and are still holding hands? They've been holding hands for 50 years (including when they were young and some people thought they were dumb for PDA).

Elenatintil said...

Thanks girls!!! Allison, that is really special to hear. Abigail, I absolutely agree with all of that!

Anonymous said...

I appreciate the sentiment of what you're posting here, but I do take offense to the reason behind any sensitivity about "prolific" statuses being because one is upset that they don't have a relationship. I'm extremely happy being single, and while I don't begrudge you your happiness, I also don't feel that I need to be in a relationship to be "sappy," nor does the fact that I'm not in one affect my feelings regarding said posts.

Just my two cents.

Be sensitive to the fact that marriage and/or relationships are not everyone's ideal and jealousy is not always the root of the problem.

Elenatintil said...

Hey Anon, (mind giving a name to your opinions?)

I think my post is obviously not directed towards you, as I was specifically writing it towards those who would be upset by a reminder that they're not happy in their current relationship status. (I am happy my friends get to travel the world, it doesn't mean I'm not sad that I don't get to see it with them)

If you are happy and you are not bothered by happy relationship statues (or by people being overly and continuously sappy and senseless as can also happen), then that's not the situation I'm addressing here.

I was happily single myself before Nathan came into my life, and know others who also are so. But I've also heard a lot of my single friends talk about how seeing others in relationships can be hard at times, and this post was written as a thank you for them.

Delaney Peterson said...

In the past year I watched many relationships (romantic and otherwise) change, fall apart or become abusive, and I experienced my own personal share of pain and drama. Sometimes I do wish there was some kind of feelings button I could just switch off... Or I could become a cyberman.

But that just makes me WANT to hear about happy, healthy relationships! I love knowing that a relationship that seems great on the outside is also working well on the inside (unfortunately, that's not always the case). It's comforting. It's hopeful. I know that some people struggle a lot with jealousy (and I definitely do too) and sometimes seeing lovey-dovey facebook posts is maybe a stumbling block for that, but I just really LOVE seeing friends happy. I sometimes pretend to be like NO NO THAT'S DISGUSTINGLY CUTE IT'S GONNA KILL ME but I need to see real life relationships functioning in a healthy way, and I think maybe other people also need that (especially people who have been in or maybe witnessed manipulative or abusive relationships, it's SO IMPORTANT for them to see examples of what to expect from a positive relationship, even if it's just facebook or instagram posts).

So sometimes unhappy people do like to see constant happies on facebook! :D

Also, this subject reminds me of pregnancies and facebook - some women will post updates and pictures and even though I would probably not be comfortable sharing as much as some people do, it's kind of neat that social networking has given our generation the option of inviting people to sort of share in our experiences? And it's the same way with relationships. If you want to invite the people on your friend list a sneak peek into the lives of Elizabeth and Nathan, then I just think that's really lovely.

Anyway. You are so sweet to be so sensitive and considerate of your facebook friends. :)

K. Martin said...

I love your sensitivity Elena. I am single and have been all 22 years of my life and I've got to say that somedays sappy stuff all over mywall gets on my nerves. I think, however, I am the most annoyed with the flip floppers, the ones who have found the "love of their life" after one date and then are complaining about the lack of quality men a week later.

In your case, I did not find it annoying. It was sweet and I knew you were mature and being careful in your relationship. Like you mentioned, I did appreciate all the info you posted did help me understand the dynamic of your relationship since I do not know you personally.

Yes, there will be days when all sappy statuses annoy me, but that is more about me being envious and narrow minded than about the statuses being pathetic.

Lol, I think my continued interested in your life is equally incomprehensible to me as it is to you. I think I just enjoy getting to know people's life stories. It teaches a person something.