There are always things you are not prepared for when you get married. Living with another person is always an adventure, from sharing a bathroom to regulating sleep cycles to picking whether you're going to watch the World Cup or a Rom-Com.
But I think you are less prepared for how the outside world reacts. Case in point: the ability of everyone on Facebook to interpret pretty much anything I say as a hint at a pregnancy announcement (even straight out saying that I am not pregnant.). For the first time in my life I am actually feeling like I don't want to post on Facebook for fear of being misconstrued - and I love Facebook!
Guys. I promise. When baby Hajek comes along, there will be NO hints (as fun as that could be). When it's time to announce, we'll say it straight up, clearly, no doubt about it.
For those of you who are friends of mine on Facebook - I am not saying this to make anyone feel bad. I'm being clear so that you don't have to wonder. Curiosity doesn't need to kill any cats here! I know you all love me and Nathan. I know you think we'll be awesome parents someday (I hope so!) and want to coo over baby photos and spoil our future little ones. God willing, that time will come, and we are looking forwards to having your love and support.
This may come across as a bit of a rant, but I'm really just trying to share how I feel because it's not a position I was prepared for. I had no idea how much the wondering "are you guys pregnant?!?" to things I could have posted a year ago with no raised eyebrows would bug me. And I'm afraid that if I don't make how I feel clear, it'll end up coming out in a short temper someday, and I don't want that because I know, I really truly know that every query comes out of deep affection.
Why does it bug me? I'm not fully sure, but thinking about pregnancy is kind of a big deal to any woman, and even bigger when you've always wanted to be a mother, and even bigger when you get married and realize that it's becoming a more likely thing in your very real future. And then to, when you get asked the question or the hint and you have to face again the fact that that much desired time is not yet here - it hurts. As much as it is a relief that the responsibility is not yet here, it is also painful to realize that the joy is not here either.
There's another reason, too, why such inquiries in general make me uncomfortable. I know couples who, after suffering a miscarriage during the first trimester, have wanted to keep future pregnancies under the radar until past the critical 12-week-mark. If faced with a blatant hint or outright question, either online or in person, a couple in that position is faced with three options a) telling the truth (which they obviously don't want to), b) lying (which hopefully they don't want to do either), or c) saying nothing (which is easiest but almost as bad as telling the truth in terms of how it affects what people thing, since they are likely to assume the obvious).
Another reason I can think of is not so much the subject matter, but the misunderstanding. Being a writer, communicating clearly is pretty darn important to me. The fact that I'm not writing anything differently than I did before I was married, but am suddenly seeing these reactions, is bewildering and frustrating from a purely communicative position. Especially since, even when I think I'm being careful to say exactly what I'm trying to say, it still gets another motive applied to it. Which of course is a hazard of the trade, but this is an extreme reaction - although a very natural one, I must admit. As much as it annoys me, I understand where it comes from.
These are things I had some understanding of before I married, but the force of my reactions has taken me by surprise. I've written this post to explain what I'm feeling, both for personal understanding, and perhaps to raise awareness among those who have no way to personally experience such a situation yet.
I'm also very curious to know how other newlyweds have found these situations. Are you frustrated? Do you laugh? Do you brush them off or do they bug you? Are you amused or perplexed? A mixture? How do you cope?