Due Dates, Prodromal Labor, and Expectations

Where is baby? Her due date is tomorrow!

Still hiding out!

(I swear, I start mentally composing blog posts about non-baby topics, but never have the energy to actually type them up. So here's a baby update for the curious, and for the non-baby-interested crowd...thanks for your patience. Go check out the new Padme Amidala book "Queen's Shadow" by E.K. Johnston. Slow start, but awesome read for anyone who wants a story about Leia's mom without any Anakin in it. It's the novel I waited 20 years for, and worth the wait.)

We've been going through something called Prodromal labor, which seems to have a few different definitions depending on whom you talk to. Basically I've been having real contractions for the past three weeks, but they never get close enough together for long enough to turn into active labor. I'll have the daytime hours where I'm achey and crampy and sore with plenty of braxton hicks, but not really contracting , and then at night it'll get painful and intense and close to the real thing and I'll wonder "should I wake up Nathan and start timing them..."

...aaaaaand then they stop.

Yes, things like "spinning babies" and "red raspberry leaf tea" and "chiropractic adjustment" and "acupuncture/acupressure" have all been part of our common vocabulary and toolkit...but baby's not ready yet.

Every day things change a little bit and I can tell that we are getting a little closer to the real thing...but not there yet. (Midwife told me that baby was so low that most women have already gone into labor at this point. HAHA.)

Everyone keeps saying that maybe all this progress will make for a quicker labor, which is very possible, but I'm trying not to dwell too much on that because then I have visions of not making it to the birth center on time!!! (Not really a realistic fear, since this is my first baby, but I have a vivid imagination. That's part of being an author!)

The psychological drain is the most difficult. It's been a real lesson in patience (again!) and trust as I try to remain at peace with God's timing and accept that my body is going to keep doing this and I just have to work through it and believe that at some point this child WILL actually emerge.

(I mean, everyone is promising me that. They'd better be right.)

On the plus side, I FINALLY gained some decent weight. The first half of pregnancy was so difficult with the nausea that I only lost weight, and it was really hard to gain anything even after the nausea went away. Everyone would say "you look so cute!" and I'd just think "if I wasn't pregnant, I'd look like a starving woman, SERIOUSLY." Thankfully my nutritionist was very confident that baby was getting what she needed, and everything medically backed that up, so I was never too stressed about it, but honestly I was at a point where I almost cried from happiness when someone actually said "you are so BIG" because I needed that validation at that point!!!

Also, huzzah, Minnesota finally embraced spring. About four days ago we actually got green grass. I can go outside and not freeze!!! And on the days it rains I try to go shopping or something so I can keep moving. Baby's movements hurt me these days, but she doesn't move when I'm moving, so that's something!!!

Mateo has been on high alert since the prodromal labor started. Seriously, the days I'm the worst off he is the sweetest, and will just lay around watching me anxiously.

Nathan manages to maintain an extraordinary level of energy and cheerfulness, which is extra laudatory considering that he just saw the release of his first game as lead designer (FFG's "The Lord of the Rings: Journeys in Middle Earth") and is also seeing a period of high activity on the next project.

Tomorrow is my due date. I can't believe it. It seems like it's taken a lifetime to get here. Which I suppose it HAS...my baby's lifetime! ;) I was SO SURE that this child was coming early that I don't know quite how to wrap my mind around her being late. She certainly could still come sometime before midnight tomorrow (pleasepleaseplease), but at this point I'm not predicting anything. I was sure she was going to be skinny too and now I feel her solid little limbs moving and realize I could have quite a chunky little lass and WOW. Now I should explain, all of my other predictions/suspicions about this baby have been correct during this pregnancy. So while it may sound so silly to be thrown by these two things not manifesting the way I imagined, I have had a perfect track record until now so I feel like I did have good evidence to back myself up! Although the coming early thing really COULD have just been wishful thinking. Most moms are more than ready to be done being pregnant by the time they hit their due date.

(I'm giving birth at a freestanding birth center with midwives, and can deliver there until 42 weeks. There won't be any induction at the center unless the increased monitoring indicates a medical need to move things along.)

Readers, I would apologize for the high number of ALL CAPS in this post, but, really, this is about capturing an emotional picture, not writing a scholarly article. Those of you who have had children may comiserate, and those who haven't may find it useful for future reference (either in life or art!).

PROBABLY, HOPEFULLY, my next post will be introducing baby. But alas, it could totally be another two weeks of waiting and maybe I'll get some energy/inspiration to write about something else...

What's in a Name?

I've been thinking a lot about names lately. Big surprise, right? It's a common pastime for most parents-to-be. And now at the end of the third trimester (I'm due in 6 weeks!), we get two questions over and over again.

#1. Do you know if it's a boy or girl?
A: Girl!

#2. Do you have a name picked out?
A: We have some top contenders, but we are not deciding until we see the baby. We're keeping those options secret for now (although we did give each of the four grandparents a chance to tell us any names they would really hate their grandchild to have, which bright forth some hilarious results).

But it's more than the baby fever. Names are big business in the Hajek household. I'm a writer, he's a game designer. Picking the perfect name for our characters is a key component of our jobs. Not to mention all the characters we name on the fly in our RPG games... *

*Nathan likes to spell names weird.** It drives me crazy. I could never remember the weird names he picked out for our Star Wars RPG. And our team tended to care the most about the characters with the most familiar names. So I finally got to the point--after several years and dozens of NPCs--where I asked Nathan to just give the NPC's (non-player-characters) ordinary English names. "We'll KNOW they really have some weird space name. This is just what we call them so we can remember them." 

**I can say with about 98% certainty that our daughter's name will have a normal spelling.

Names are important. They convey a lot about a person/character. I work really hard to come up with the perfect name for each character in my book. I'm very happy with "Daphne" as the heroine of "The Mermaid and the Unicorn," and I love "Justin" and "Ruth" as the protagonists as the next book. These names all came pretty easily to me as well. On the flip side, however, I wrote the first half of a first draft of a novel last summer and I'm still not sure about the correct name for my heroine. Even though I'm taking a breather on that project for right now, it still bugs me that I don't know what her name actually is. Oh well. Another summer, another contemplation of names.

Anyhow. Nathan and I both have strong feelings about names. Unfortunately, we've both vetoed some of each other's longtime favorite names. Eeek. So while you'd think we'd be really good at naming this baby, the truth is we've been working on the name for six years and while we've got some good choices, I really am not sure at all what our daughter is going to end up getting titled. I wanted to start talking names the moment we got the positive test, but Nathan wouldn't seriously discuss anything until we had the 20-week-ultrasound with gender reveal, and he's been firm about deciding on a name ahead of time. Which, to be very honest, is something of a relief for me. Deep down, I don't want to even whisper a name to anyone but Nathan right now. I don't want to be at all locked in until I see her face.

I want to like my daughter's name. I want my husband to like it. I want it to fit her. And I want her to like it. I adore my own name and just hope we can do as well naming our little girl as my parents did naming me.

But I do believe the perfect name will come at the right time. We did, after all, pick a name for our dog that we still love to this day--and ended up having a perfect meaning that we didn't plan on. ("Mateo Raphael" means, roughly,  "God's Gift of Healing"). If God can lead us that well with our dog, I'm pretty sure it'll all work out well for our daughter too. Just a little more pressure!

Right now our nieces and our moms have come up with nicknames that combine into "Princess Raspberry Spitfire." I like that a lot as a pre-birth nickname. We called her Nisswa before we knew she was a girl, cuz we were in Nisswa, MN when we got the positive test. Nowadays I call her "Sweet Pea" a lot. Or, "YOU. Don't get any ideas!" ;)

(And yes, we do have some boy names in mind as back-up, even though we are 99.99% sure we will not need them).

While I can't give you any hints as to what we are thinking about, I CAN tell you this: when we officially name our daughter, I'll be sharing exactly why we picked the names. Because, as you can tell, names mean a lot to me, and I love hearing the stories behind them.

How I'm Surprised by Turning 30

I'm turning 30 this week and it is unexpectedly emotional.

Not that I consider "30" old. I don't like categorizing any age as "old." God created every stage of life with a purpose. Each new year brings new experiences of life, which should ideally bring maturity and a greater ability to live at ease with who one is.

Good mindset, right? Except I'm finding there are still a lot of emotions involved with a big benchmark year that I have to process. It's taken me by surprise because I've really achieved so much at this point in my life. I've told myself for years that I wasn't going to make a big deal about turning 30. I don't have 'regrets' about my 20's, but I do feel nostalgic. The 20's are the years I learned who I am, when I met some really big goals, when I made some really special friendships, when I found and married my husband, when I got my first house, when I started my costuming business, and when I published my first book.

My 20's were also incredibly hard. Heartbreak, health issues, financial strain, spiritual searching and growth, relationships changing, infertility, closing down my costume business, and losing some big dreams that not only didn't happen, but which I have come to accept are unlikely to happen anytime soon.

Turning 30. This is the year I get to see my daughter's face. I'm 30 weeks pregnant now. Just about two months to go. I'm so excited, and yet every day there is a new reminder that my 30's are going to look entirely different than my 20's. Motherhood is coming, and while I am beyond thrilled, excited, and at peace about it, it is still a big change and I struggle with change even while I love it. (Ah, the joys of being an ENFP with Aspergers!)

So then I think: turning 30 is emotional not because of the number, but because the number represents a milestone. A finish line to one part of life, a starting line to another. To some people these lines are less clear. To me, because it aligns so perfectly with this period of transition in my life, the lines are glaringly neon.

But with age comes loss, I can't sugarcoat or ignore that. As a Christian, I try to have the mindset that age is not about losing life here, but getting closer to the real life that is coming. That said, there is real, tangible loss that comes with age. Loved ones get older. You lose them. You come closer to losing them. Mentally. Physically. Loss is coming. Even if that loss is only temporary, and you look forward to eternity together, there are years approaching that are going to be harder because loved ones will not be there.

And too, there is the loss of health and mobility. We don't think about that so much at 30, but it's another real thing that some of us fear. I have the blessing of seeing many of my relatives healthier in their middle life than in their early life, so, with my own history, I don't fear that as much as is typical. But it's a truth I would be wrong to ignore.

30 is just a number. It's just a marker of a passage of time. There is nothing magical about it. There is nothing I can do to put it off, or make it come faster.

But age has meaning, and age is represented by numbers. And it brings real apprehension, turmoil, and transition that need to be processed. I've been trying to pretend that I was unphased by switching from 29 to 30, but I was fooling myself. This exact number probably has more poignancy overall because of how standard American culture treats it, but whatever the cause, the effect is certainly there for myself.

I'm not entirely okay with this revelation. After all, last year I cried when I turned 29 and wasn't yet pregnant. This year, even though the actual number change is considered more significant, I am filled with the overwhelming blessing of feeling my daughter move every day. I thought I had nothing to mourn about this year. But I guess, even when not mourning, transitions still need to be acknowledged and processed. I hope that by sharing this post I may help someone else come to a new understanding of why a certain birthday is particularly upsetting and begin to work through those emotions (whether they are the same or different from mine).

Whether 30 or any other year, if you are a friend who I have not supported well in bridging a major birthday milestone, I apologize. The landmarks line up differently for everyone, and I have a new understanding and appreciation for the emotional transition. I'll count it as one of those experiences I praised in the second paragraph, and hope I can do a better job of providing sympathy the next time someone laments about an upcoming age change.

Corinna Turner and "The Siege of Reginald Hill"

Welcome to the final stop on the blog tour for Corinna Turner's "The Siege of Reginald Hill."  

If Turner's name sounds familiar, it is because she is the author of the gripping "I Am Margaret" series (my review here), the heart-wrenching "Someday" (my review here), the fantastical alternate history "Elfling," and the quirky "Mandy Lamb and the Full Moon." I love her works, even though she writes them faster than I can review them! 

For her sixth entry in the world of "I Am Margaret," Corinna once again delves into matters of faith and future, and what it means to truly battle for a soul. I was intrigued by the premise of the book (which I got to preread in beta) and was excited to get a chance to interview Corinna about the unique challenges of writing "Siege," formatting/tweaking for American audiences, and her favorite holiday traditions! 

Q: Let’s go back to the beginning. How did you first conceive of Margo and her world? What was it about that idea, of all the ones spinning in your head, that captured your literary imagination and demanded a book? Well, a series of books!

A: I had the core idea for ‘I Am Margaret’ in a dream whilst on retreat at a convent and the rest of the plot developed very quickly. It was definitely a ‘has to be written’ idea, and a lot of that was because of the faith element. I’d been writing books aimed at the mainstream market and was  increasingly frustrated at having to leave my faith out of them (faith doesn’t sell in the mainstream; at least it doesn’t in the UK). Faith was so integral to the ‘I Am Margaret’ plot that I decided to just write the book exactly as I would write a mainstream novel—but with the faith in.

Q: Out of all the secondary characters in the IAM books, how did you decide that Reginald (of all people!) was the next who needed his story told? How did you choose Kyle as protagonist?

A: Although Siege is a sequel to the whole series, I also see it very much as a sequel to ‘Brothers’ specifically. Kyle thinks a lot about his biggest fears in that novella, and in Siege he suddenly has to face them, and at a time when he no longer expects them. From that point of view, despite the long time gap between the chronology of the two books, it’s very much a continuation of ‘Brothers’. As for Reginald Hill, he’s been the main ‘bad guy’ of the series right from ‘I Am Margaret’. Although several ‘bad guys’ appear at the end of ‘I Am Margaret’, Hill was always (leaving aside Lucas Everington) the most well-developed and was the one who carried on through the series, making appearances now and then and threatening Margo and those she loves in various ways. And he really, really hates Margo (Full English Breakfast, Mr Hill?). So I didn’t consciously choose Hill, he was just the one who would do something like that, and the one who would be hardest for anyone to love.

Q: Any thoughts on what stories you might tell next in the IAM universe?

A: Next in the IAM universe I intend to publish a short story collection, but the main item in it is actually a novella called ‘A Saint in the Family’, which follows up on ‘The Siege of Reginald Hill’. I also have an idea for a novella or short novel about Luc Verrall, at the time of his eighteenth birthday, tentatively titled ‘Beyond the Wall’ but I can’t honestly say when I will be writing that. I really need to finish writing the ‘Yesterday & Tomorrow’ series!

Q: I find the surgery/torture scenes in the series really difficult to read. How do you write them? What do you hope your readers will take away from them?

A: I very deliberately avoid almost all graphic physical descriptions, and convey what is happening almost entirely through the reactions of characters or the dialogue. This leaves how ‘much’ the reader ‘sees’ largely up to the reader’s own imagination.  But I do get some readers with strong imaginations who seem to believe that there was a detailed, gory, graphic, blow-by-blow description, so it’s not a foolproof way of handling an unpleasant event.

They’re there for the dual purpose of putting the reader fully in the shoes of the main character and making sure they identify fully with what he/she faces throughout the book, and to highlight what many martyrs over the centuries have faced, what they (and maybe we) could face in the future, and what, indeed, in some form or other, many Christians are facing right now. I hope they will challenge readers in their faith, and make them think about what they would really endure for Christ. Is out faith more than skin deep?

Q: The SEIGE in the book is one of the Soul, and it makes for some powerful but very heavy reading. Was it tough to write? I felt the arc was very believable, which is immensely difficult to do with a storyline of this type, so kudos for that!

A: It was a harder book to write than usual, because I think I was writing very much from the deepest parts of me, and the book is very close to my heart as a result. The story really pulled me in and I lived inside it a lot of the time. However, it wasn’t as hard to write as ‘Three Last Things’, which I’m hoping to publish in the first part of 2019. That story ripped me to shreds inside—the Holy Spirit practically took my hands and forced me to write it. I love the resulting novella, but it was the most difficult two weeks of writing I’ve done in my life. Siege would be the second most difficult, and wasn’t anywhere near as bad.

Q: We’ve corresponded now about three novels and one short story of yours in which I’ve primarily focused on catching what we’ve termed “Britishisms.” It’s been pretty fun and enlightening to learn more about some of the cultural differences between our shared-language countries. Is there anything that has stuck out to you as particularly surprising or humorous? What has been the most difficult for you in managing clarity for two audiences like that?

A: The most difficult thing is actually when I pick up an American edition and see ‘Z’s’ and missing ‘U’s’. Still makes me wince, ha ha! It was a big surprise that I couldn’t find a completely equivalent word for ‘layby’. I had to pester my US test readers over that one, and ‘rest area’ or ‘shoulder’ was the closest we found. Then there were the ‘dry stone walls’ from ‘Mandy Lamb and the Full Moon’. Turned out they literally don’t exist in the States, and I had to go with ‘stone fence’. Sometimes when I make a word up translation is difficult, as well, and the US version ends up with something boring and official that’s in the dictionary instead.

Q: Speaking of Britishisms, can you tell us what the holiday season will look like for you over in the UK? What are some of your favorite Christmas traditions/songs/foods, etc?

A: In my family we like a real Christmas tree, never a fake, and a big one! We also tend to have goose, which is a more old-fashioned Christmas dinner. For most people the Christmas dinner of choice tends to be Turkey. Goose is juicer, though! We also have ‘pigs in blankets’ which are sausages wrapped around with bacon, and Brussel sprouts and satsumas are also synonymous with a British Christmas dinner. Perhaps we should re-name them ‘Brexit sprouts’ this year? Christmas crackers and party poppers and Amaretti Biscuits, which nobody likes, but if you roll the wrapper and set fire to it, it takes off and flies up into the air. Although, the other Christmas I confidently rolled and lit one to demonstrate to my brother’s in-laws, who had somehow reached the age they were without encountering this custom, only to have it burn down into a miserable puddle of ash on the plate. It turned out we’d bought a box made for the American market, instead of the Italian ones, and the wrappers had been changed. Health and safety gone mad, perhaps? Terrible disappointment, anyway! We actually considered taking them back for a refund!

An odd surge filled my heart as I looked at him, sitting there in that chair: so old; so evil; so broken; so... alone. A warmth. A caring. A... love. I loved him. Just another poor sinner who need my care...

SAFETY IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF DANGER, BUT THE PRESENCE OF GOD.

Fr Kyle Verrall is living a quiet life as a parish priest in Africa when he’s snatched from his church one night by armed assailants. He’s in big trouble—his sister’s worst enemy is hell-bent on taking revenge on the famous Margaret Verrall by killing her brother, just as slowly and horribly as he can.

What could possibly save him? The humble young priest is defenceless—or so Reginald Hill believes.

But Kyle has a powerful weapon Hill knows nothing about. And he’s not afraid to use it.

Is Reginald Hill really the hunter?

Or is he the hunted?

Buy your copy here:

Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2Bi7Rmg

Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2BKiTRH

(Or request a purchase by your local library!)

Corinna Turner has been writing since she was fourteen and likes strong protagonists with plenty of integrity. She has an MA in English from Oxford University, but has foolishly gone on to work with both children and animals! Juggling work with the disabled and being a midwife to sheep, she spends as much time as she can in a little hut at the bottom of the garden, writing.

She is a Catholic Christian with roots in the Methodist and Anglican churches. A keen cinema-goer, she lives in the UK She used to have a Giant Snail called Peter with a 6½” long shell, but now makes do with a cactus and a campervan!

For reviews of "The Siege of Reginald Hill" and other behind the scenes goodies, check out the previous stops on the blog tour!

Dec 1 – Stop 1 - Corinna Turner – Author of the I Am Margaret series including new release The Siege of Reginald Hill – www.IAmMargaret.com

Dec 2 – SUNDAY

Dec 3 – Stop 2 - Steven R. McEvoy - Blogger and Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer Steven R. McEvoy on "Book Reviews & More" - www.bookreviewsandmore.ca

Dec 4 - Stop 3 - Erin McCole Cupp – Blogger, Contributor to Catholic Mom and Author (Jane E. Friendless Orphan series, etc.) - http://catholicmom.com/

Dec 5 – Stop 4 - Regina Doman – Award-winning Catholic teen fiction Author (The Fairy Tale novels, The Angel in the Waters, etc.) - http://reginadoman.blogspot.com/

Dec 6 - Stop 5 - Theresa Linden – Award-winning Catholic teen fiction Author (Liberty series, West Brothers series, etc.) - www.theresalinden.com/

Dec 7 – Stop 6 - Sarah de Nordwall – The Catholic Bard! - http://sarahdenordwall.blogspot.com/

Dec 8 - Stop 7 - T.M. Gaouette - Writer, Blogger, and Author of Catholic Fiction (Faith and Kung Fu series) - https://tmgaouette.com/

Dec 9 – SUNDAY

Dec 10 – Stop 8 - Carolyn Astfalk - Author of coming-of-age romance Rightfully Ours, etc. - www.carolynastfalk.com/

Dec 11 – Stop 9 - Leslea Wahl - Award-winning Catholic teen fiction Author (The Perfect Blindside, An Unexpected Role, etc.) - http://lesleawahl.com/

Dec 12 – Stop 10 - Elizabeth Amy Hajek – Blogger and Author of The Mermaid and the Unicorn - https://elenatintil.blogspot.com

The Other Alcott -- by Elise Hooper

Amy March, the spoiled, vain youngest sister who steals Jo's European trip and ends up with Laurie. What if that was your legacy to the world?

Or so the general public thinks today.

Like a good many readers of "Little Women," I never gave much thought to the real figure behind Amy March. That is, I knew May Alcott was a real person who provided some inspiration for Amy, but no one wrote much about her. It was much easier to learn about Louisa and her rather unusual parents than any of the sisters.

And I did know something about the Alcotts, after all I wrote and directed a 50 minute student adaptation of "Little Women" in my late teens, the premiere of which coincided with my college course on American Literature. "Little Women" still might never rank as one of my top ten favorite novels, but I know the story and the characters very well. Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy came alive for me in a very tangible way while making that film (I played Meg), and I've continued to analyse and ponder these sisters with each new film adaptation I've been able to see.

But when I picked up Elise Hooper's engaging, well-researched novel, I was abashed to quickly discover that I knew almost nothing about May Alcott, and nearly all my assumptions were wrong.

The premise of the novel is the first sentence of this blog post--what would it be like to know that your sister portrayed you in such a fashion to the entire world? What would it be like to have everyone, as soon as they heard the name "Alcott", ask you how much of it was real, and assume that you were indeed vain and spoiled? 

May had the real gumption of the Alcotts, and determined not to let her sister's fame and public judgement overshadow her life. While early reviews praised the writing of "Little Women," they were harsh on the illustrations that May contributed to the publication. Rather than let this defeat her, May decided to seriously pursue a career as a professional artist. Unlike her fictional counterpart, she left behind a future as a society wife and chose long hours of study under drawing masters rather than a cushy engagement. It would take many years of hard work and perseverance, but eventually she would craft a legacy of her own...but would that legacy be at the expense of her relationship with her sister Louisa? You'll have to read the novel to find out!

Elise Hooper does a wonderful job of bringing Alcott's world to life. She understands how to tell an engaging story in a historical setting, paying respect to real historical figures while crafting an emotional narrative. There is a long historical note at the back of the book that goes into great detail regarding the true facts behind the story.

But the best part of the book for me is how Hooper brings the world of art study alive. I know something of art myself, both from personal study and from living with an art major. I was impressed with the accuracy and depth Hooper brought to her descriptions of artistic work. Although my own art background no doubt enriched my reading, I think it would be clear and appealing to readers of any level of artistic understanding, including novices.

My only qualm would be a slight regret that the book starts post "Little Women" publication and gives very little insight into the earlier years of the Alcott family. Bronson Alcott, the patriarch, was a transcendentalist who did not believe in accepting financial remuneration for work. At one point he founded a commune that the family lived on, and later they survived only due to the patronage of admirers. Alcott family friends included Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau, figures who impacted Louisa's later writing.

Indeed, this backstory is so intriguing that it would (and has) quite overwhelm May's own story, so I understand why Hooper chose to start at a later point in the timeline. However, I feel that some understanding of the Alcott family history is an important preamble to this novel, so I highly recommend at least skimming Bronson Alcott's Wikipedia page before picking up "The Other Alcott."

It's not often that I find such a great work of historical fiction that is well-written, fairly accurate, and reasonably clean. Late in the book there are a few mildly sensual scenes, but nothing too risque.

This is a perfect read to cozy up with as we head into chilly autumn. I highly recommend all fans of historical fiction, art, and/or "Little Women" go and pick up a copy today!

The Big Vacation Surprise

In my last post, I wrote up some reflections about my first fibromyalgia vacation. What I didn't mention, because we weren't ready to announce it, is that there was another complication I was dealing with unawares.

Pregnancy!

What I thought was just lack of hydration and vacation fatigue turned out to be the first calls for attention from our little baby, whose presence was only discovered on the last day of the vacation when we finally finally got that long awaited positive test. After so much anguish and waiting, it was beyond amazing to not only have such wonderful news, but to deliver it immediately, in person, to my parents and grandparents.

It had been my dream all year that I would be able to give my grandparents the 60th anniversary gift of their first great-grandchild. But given all the holidays and cycles that had come and gone already, I really did not think it would actually happen. So getting that test on the very last day of the celebration was absolutely shocking for me.

I still can't believe that something so beautiful actually happened.

We are currently eight weeks along, due in April, and everything is looking very good for baby. We got to see the heartbeat last week at the first ultrasound, and baby is measuring slightly ahead of schedule.

Mama is not doing so well, as I'm suffering under such extreme nausea that my mother-in-law has come up to stay with us because I pretty much can't do anything--I haven't even been posting on social media. (And yes, I've been trying a ridiculous number of remedies and almost none of them give even a hint of relief. It's unreal.) I've gone through some pretty bad nausea in my life, but it's been nothing compared to this. Food is just gross. This is definitely one of the hardest things I've gone through in my health journey, but it's a really good sign for baby, and a constant reminder that I am, most definitely, pregnant. Since we are not yet out of the first trimester, it can still be a time of anxiety, but most days I'm way too sick to have time to worry, and if I do worry, I know my extreme sickness is a very good sign for a healthy pregnancy.

The night before I got that positive test was one of the lowest points for me of our entire fertility journey. I didn't know how I'd have the strength to keep on trying. Infertility is utterly horrible and the emotional pain and strain is utterly exhausting. I still can't fully believe that our miracle has happened, that the morning after such a terrible night brought such a radical difference to everything.

In my first post about infertility, I talked about wanting God's timing more than anything. I suspect that we will see more about timing throughout this baby's life. But even in the four weeks that we've been aware of his/her existence, I've had so many reasons to see why this is the perfect time for this child to be coming.

God is Hope.

Vacationing with Fibromyalgia

In my youth I was downright spoiled in the vacations I got to take. None of them were excessive, but there were some really special, beautiful places that I got to visit and stay at throughout my life. Although I wasn't capable of fully appreciating them at the time, I treasure the memories deeply. Especially since now, with my fibromyalgia and other chronic health issues, traveling and finances are both severely limited. I cannot fly on a plane at all. (I can't fly with wings or telekinesis or a Tardis either, alas). Any car ride longer than about 45 mins takes several hours of recuperation time, and that's only if I have a suitable place to rest and the right support.

So when my grandparents decided to take the family on a vacation to celebrate their 60th anniversary, I knew the 2+ hour drive was going to be a major hurdle. Still, I really really wanted to make it work. They'd taken us to this same resort ten years ago for their fiftieth, and it was just the loveliest time. I'd so enjoyed being with family at that beautiful place and I both wanted to experience it again and share it with Nathan.

We discussed a lot of factors, and my grandparents worked hard to make sure that there would be a good room for us, and that we could bring Mateo along. These factors really lowered my stress levels, which made a big difference in how my body handled the weekend. The drive was rough, but I did manage to recover from it without major blowback. The only major problem I seemed to have up there was allergies, and those are the simplest issues for me to fix. Managing the big resort while still in a boot for my hairline fracture was tough, but between my husband wheeling me around in a wheelchair and the use of a golf cart, we did okay. I even managed to go swimming in a pool for the first time in years! (Which felt GREAT for my fibro, even if the chlorine was a bit irritating.)

But the best part was being with my family. I've had to miss SO many gatherings over the years and it was just truly a blessing to be able to make this reunion.

I don't know for sure all the factors that made this visit work, because we could probably repeat them at another point in time and have just a tiny fluctuation in my health upset anything. So I am tremendously grateful that this vacation did turn out wonderfully for us. (Ironically, it was my husband who came home with a bad sickness! Amazingly, I didn't catch his bug at all!)

Some Suggestions for Fibromyalgia Travel:

• Know your limits and stick to them. 
• Stay hydrated.
• Make sure you can travel in a way that allows you to bring your WHOLE survival pack. Pillow, meds, vitamins, any air or water filters, etc. The more you can bring, the more your body will be supported and your vacation will truly be a time of rest. Check an extra bag if you have to. The fees will be worth it if you can support your body and not feel rotten a huge chunk of your vacation.
• Don't cheat on your diet. If you have food allergies or sensitivities, vacation is NOT the time to relax vigilance. On the contrary, the stress of travel and new surroundings can make reactions or flare-ups worse. Do the work in advance to make sure you'll have yummy food you can eat so that you won't be tempted by what everyone else is indulging in. Even if this means checking a second suitcase full of goodies, or taking an extra hour to stop at a grocery store and stock up. Access to a fridge and microwave can be extremely helpful for this. 
• Take rests. It's hard when everyone else is having a good time (especially if you are at all extroverted), but sleeping in a strange bed makes for a more difficult night, so take a nap if you can, or at least a reading break in a quiet, non-stimulating room. And try to get a situation where you can sleep as long as you need to, when you need to, without interruptions by roomies. 
• Pack a wide range of clothes. It's always tempting to be practical and pack light, but you'll have more stimulus affecting your body in addition to new temperatures and humidity levels. Include your most comfy pieces that you are okay being photographed in. 
• Don't overdo the new experiences, and don't pack your schedule too full. It is very tempting to want to do everything, but accepting your limitations from the get-go will help you fully appreciate the parts you do get to enjoy. 
• If you can, try to fully explain your limitations and how it will affect your vacation to those who may be impacted by them, either emotionally or in scheduling matters. This will lower the stress of fulfilling expectations on both sides. 
• Take the time before your trip to remind yourself and any close travel partners of your usual triggers. For example, I know that bright sun and rocking waves majorly upset my system. So as much as I wanted to go for a boat ride, I stayed prudent and avoided headache risks. 
• Plan the trip duration around your health. Maybe you know you can only handle a few days, so you go for a shorter period of time than the rest of your group. Maybe you can only handle a few hours in a car at a time, so you break up your drive with an overnight stay or a nice long rest, walk or swim at a park on the way. If you are flying, look into VIP amenities, as some airlines offer lounges that may provide more rest on a long layover. 

Summing Up

Living with chronic illness is hard. Missing out on things is hard. Feeling trapped in your house and unable to get a break from daily life is all really hard. But when you do get to participate and experience and enjoy--well that is truly amazing. I savor every moment of it, all of which means so much more to me than it ever did before.

It's easy for my life to seem very small, but I work to chose to see it as full. To see and savor and express gratitude for every little piece. It helps so much.

This doesn't mean that I never feel sadness or anger or frustration, but it keeps those moments isolated. And when I do get to do something big or exciting, it becomes nearly overwhelming (in a good way, most of the time!).

And trips are probably always going to be more difficult for me, and won't happen very often, but there are ways to make some trips possible now, and maybe there will be even more going forward as we continue my healing process. After all, two years ago this reunion never would have been possible for me!