Sunday, July 24, 2016

A Year Ago, My Life Changed

Facebook's "Memories" feature is a mixed bag. MOST of the time, for me, it is fun to check. Today, there wasn't a specific negative memory... but I didn't need Facebook to remind me of what this week is.

A year ago, my life started to go to hell. I got my really bad migraine on, I believe the 22nd of July, and my health never fully recovered after that. I'm doing so much better today than I was a year ago, but I'm still not where I was at two years ago--and honestly it may be quite some time before that ever happens. I refuse to believe that it will not happen, but a full year is an awfully long time.

I love my new house and my puppy. They make my life so much better. When I am here, I manage okay. Some weeks I have headaches and those are not so good (this weekend has been bad), but I am going much longer in between ER visits, and I can do small shopping trips.

My life is still very small. I rarely leave the house. I have to really restrict how often we have guests. I love my garden and my sewing room and my clothesline and I'm grateful for every day I can use them.

But I can't use them every day. And this is the best my life has been in a year. I can't believe it. In August I thought "oh, a month is a long time, but I can handle it." Now... it's been twelve of them.

And it's hard. We call it Fibromyalgia, but the truth is far more complicated than that, and while we've made progress, it has been much slower than I ever anticipated.

It sucks. Most of the time I can be positive and thankful for small blessings. But some days, like today, it hits me hard. I have to do some grieving, just as I did when I hit my birthday and processed how different my life was at 27 than I'd hoped.

On the other hand, the fact that I managed to finish my book despite my health issues AND moving into a new house AND adopting a new puppy... well, that's God's Mercy and I'm so grateful for it.

No comments: