Friday, January 28, 2011

Sense and Sensibility - Facebook Style

This year is the 50th anniversary of the publication of Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility." In celebration of this, I hereby present to you a humorous piece depicting this famous novel - Facebook style.

Mr. Dashwood, Mrs. Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Miss Marianne Dashwood, and Margaret Dashwood listed NORLAND PARK as their city.

Mr. Dashwood to John Dashwood
“Take care of your stepmother and sisters.”
John Dashwood said: “Of course, Father.”

Mr. Dashwood deactivated his account.

Marianne Dashwood is in the depths of despair.
Elinor Dashwood said: “Marianne, I don't think you ought to display your feelings so publicly.”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Elinor, how CAN you be so unfeeling! Our father just died!”
Elinor Dashwood said: “Still, we ought to keep our public displays of emotions in check and not give way to despair.”
Marianne Dashwood said: “...”


Elinor Dashwood gives up.

John Dashwood is contemplating how he might assist his sisters.
Fanny Dashwood said: “Not by giving them money.”
John Dashwood said: “Oh, I thought perhaps a hundred pounds or so per year.”
Fanny Dashwood said: “In ten years that is a thousand pounds our precious Henry won't have! I'm sure your father only meant that you should send them an e-card on their birthdays. That's more than most natural brothers would do.”
John Dashwood said: “Ah, you're quite right as always, Fanny.”
Fanny Dashwood said: “Of course I am. Now lets go move into our new house.”

John Dashwood and Fanny Dashwood listed NORLAND PARK as their city.

Fanny Dashwood is planning all sorts of improvements for Norland Park.

Marianne Dashwood and Fanny Dashwood are no longer friends.

Margaret Dashwood cannot stand Henry Dashwood.
Elinor Dashwood said: “Margaret, we must be nice to him. He's a stranger here.”
Margaret Dashwood said: “He is the most annoying boy I ever met and he stole my pony.”

Fanny Dashwood is expecting a visit from her beloved brother Edward.
Mrs. Dashwood said: “Oh! How... nice.”
Fanny Dashwood said: “We'll need to give him Margaret's room. She has the best view.”

Margaret Dashwood and Fanny Dashwood are no longer friends.

John Dashwood needs a break from the henhouse.

Edward Ferrers checked in to NORLAND PARK.

Edward Ferrers to Fanny Dashwood
“I believe the servants directed me to the wrong room, it appears to belong to one of the family. Don't worry, my new room has a lovely view of the stables and I do admire horses.”

Edward Ferrers is now friends with Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, Margaret Dashwood and Mrs. Dashwood.

Edward Ferrers to Elinor Dashwood
“Was that your drawing on the library table?”
Elinor Dashwood said: “Yes, it was. Thank you, I've been looking for it.”
Edward Ferrers said: “Oh, no problem. It's a beautiful drawing.”
Elinor Dashwood said: “Thank you.”
Edward Ferrers said: “Would you like to go riding with me tomorrow?”
Elinor Dashwood said: “That would be very pleasant, thank you.”

Mrs. Dashwood thinks they must stay at Norland Park a bit longer.
Marianne Dashwood said: “Mother! Are you serious?!?”
Mrs. Dashwood said: “My dear, take a look out the window.”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Oooooh. Elinor and...?”
Mrs. Dashwood said: “Indeed.”
Marianne Dashwood said: “He's not very romantic though, is he?”

Marianne Dashwood to Elinor Dashwood
“He's a bit dull, but when he is my brother, I shall love him dearly for your sake.”
Elinor Dashwood said: “What on earth are you talking about?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “You know EXACTLY what I mean.”

Fanny Dashwood to Mrs. Dashwood
“We need to have a talk.”

Fanny Dashwood and Mrs. Dashwood are no longer friends.

Mrs. Dashwood is packing up her daughters and leaving Norland Park.

Sir John Middleton and Mrs. Dashwood are now friends.

Sir John Middleton to Mrs. Dashwood
“I may have the perfect new home for you.”

Edward Ferrers to Elinor Dashwood
“I must speak with you before you leave. There is something you don't know about the years I was educated.”
Fanny Dashwood said: “Edward, why on earth would Elinor care about your education?”
Edward Ferrers said: “Uh... no reason.”

Mrs. Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood and Margaret Dashwood listed their city as BARTON COTTAGE.

Marianne Dashwood thinks her new home is tiny and desolate.
Margaret Dashwood says: “But we're by the ocean! Maybe we'll see pirates!”
Elinor Dashwood says: “It is small, but cozy. I think we'll be very happy here.”
Mrs. Dashwood says: “Of course we shall. Especially after Edward comes to visit.”
Marianne Dashwood says: “Oh yes. All shall be better when Edward comes.”

Elinor Dashwood sometimes despairs of her family's discretion.

Mrs. Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood and Margaret Dashwood are now friends with Sir John Middleton, Lady Middleton, Mrs. Jennings and Colonal Brandon.

Colonel Brandon to Elinor Dashwood
“Your sister plays the piano with much feeling.”
Elinor Dashwood said: “Uhm... thank you?”
Colonel Brandon said: “Too much feeling can lead to bad ends. I have seen it happen.”

Marianne Dashwood thinks Colonel Brandon is an old fuddy duddy.
(only viewable to limited friends list)
Elinor Dashwood said: He's not THAT old!
Mrs. Dashwood said: Indeed, he's younger than me. What do you think I am, Methuselah?
Margaret Dashwood said: He can't be that old. Mrs. Jennings says he's gonna marry you!

Marianne Dashwood thinks Mrs. Jennings is an interfering old busybody.
(only viewable to limited friends list)

Colonel Brandon is going to visit Barton Cottage.

Mariane Dashwood to Margaret Dashwood
Margaret Dashwood said: “But it's going to rain!”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Nope. It's not.”

Mrs. Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood and Margaret Dashwood and John Willoughby are now friends.

Elinor Dashwood is worried about her sister's twisted ankle.

Marianne Dashwood is in RAPTURES.

John Willoughby has met a very delightful family.
Marianne Dashwood said “This wouldn't be ours, by any chance, would it?”
John Willoughby said: “How very perceptive you are, Miss Marianne.”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Why thank you! Would you like to come over to dinner tomorrow?”
John Willoughby said: “I would be honored to. Perhaps we could read more poetry?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Are you trying to be the perfect man?”
John Willoughby said: “Am I succeeding?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “I shall let you know presently.”
Margaret Dashwood said: “I think I'm going to puke.”

Colonel Brandon isn't sure what to think of this Willoughby fellow.

Mrs. Jennings must now rearrange her matchmaking plans.

Sir John Middleton thinks that Willoughby has a splendid little pointer!
Marianne Dashwood said: “But can he dance?”
Sir John Middleton said: “Why, I'm not sure...”
John Willoughby said: “I can absolutely dance. May I claim you for the first one tonight, Miss Marianne?”

Colonel Brandon REALLY doesn't like Willoughby.

Colonel Brandon set up an event: PICNIC AT DELAFORD.
Mrs. Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, Margaret Dashwood, Sir John Middleton, Lady Middleton, Mrs. Jennings and Willoughby are attending.

Colonel Brandon canceled the event: PICNIC AT DELAFORD.
Sir John Middleton said: “Oh no, must you?”
Colonel Brandon said: “My errand cannot be delayed.”

John Willoughby thinks Colonel Brandon is a stick-in-the-mud.
Marianne Dashwood said: “LOL.”
John Willoughby said: “Could I ask you to come with me to visit my aunt's estate instead? You know, the mansion I'm going to inherit someday.”
Marianne Dashwood said: “I think I might faint with the delight of the invitation!”

Elinor Dashwood is wondering why a certain visitor has never arrived.
Margaret Dashwood said: “Yeah. I miss Edward.”
Elinor Dashwood said: “*headdesk*”

John Willoughby to Mrs. Dashwood
“Might I solicit a private audience with your daughter, Miss Marianne, tomorrow morning?”
Mrs. Dashwood said: “ABSOLUTELY!”

Marianne Dashwood does not know how she will be able to sleep tonight.

John Willoughby to Mrs. Dashwood
“I am afraid I must leave for London at once. I do not know when I shall return. Goodbye.”
Mrs. Dashwood said: “Uh... goodbye?”

Marianne Dashwood THE WORLD HAS ENDED!
Elinor Dashwood said: “What has happened?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “IT IS TOO HORRIBLE TO TELL YOU!”

Mrs. Dashwood to Elinor Dashwood
“I don't understand. Weren't they engaged?”
Elinor Dashwood said: “I don't know. Didn't she confide in you?”
Mrs. Dashwood said: “I don't know. I thought she confided in you!”

Margaret Dashwood thinks men are a lot of bother.

Mrs. Dashwood, Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood and Margaret Dashwood are now friends with Miss Steele and Lucy Steele.

Mrs. Jennings has decided she must find husbands for Miss Steele and Lucy Steele.

Lucy Steele to Elinor Dashwood
“We are going to be best friends!”
Elinor Dashwood said: “It is a pleasure to make your aquintance.”
Lucy Steele said: “I feel as though I already know you. You see, your sister-in-law's brother, Edward Ferrers, is actually my secret fiance!”
Elinor Dashwood said: “EDWARD?”
Lucy Steele said: “Oh yes! But you must PROMISE never to tell ANYONE!”
Elinor Dashwood said: “I would never betray the confidence of the sisterhood.”

Elinor Dashwood finds herself in a pickle.

Marianne Dashwood misses her beloved Willoughby most terribly.

Mrs. Jennings has invited Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, Miss Steele and Lucy Steele to the event: A TRIP TO LONDON.
Elinor Dashwood said: “Thank you, but I couldn't leave my Mother.”
Mrs. Dashwood said: “Of course you can!”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Oh Elinor! We must go! We might see Willoughby!”

Elinor Dashwood agrees that there are some things one cannot fight against.

Mrs. Jennings, Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, Miss Steele and Lucy Steele have checked into LONDON.

Marianne Dashwood cannot wait to see Willoughby!

Marianne Dashwood is still waiting for Willoughby's letter...

Elinor Dashwood to Marianne Dashwood
“Will you please come shopping with us?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “I cannot. What if Willoughby stopped by?”
Elinor Dashwood said: “You can't spend your whole time sitting by the door. Come, at least join us at the ball tonight. Willoughby has been invited.”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Oh then well of course!”

Marianne Dashwood to John Willoughby
“Willoughby! Why have you not answered my letter?”
John Willoughby said: “...”
Miss Gray said: “Pray, who is this woman, John?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “WHO are YOU?”
Miss Gray said: “I'm his fiance.”

Marianne Dashwood is heartbroken.

Fanny Dashwood and Lucy Steele are now friends.

Lucy Steele is so very excited to meet a certain someone's family!

Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, and Lucy Steele are attending the event: SUPPER WITH THE FERRERS

Mrs. Ferrers thinks that Elinor Dashwood is a very fine young lady, but have you seen the beautiful painting Miss Morton did?
Marianne Dashwood said: “Who cares about Miss Morton?”

Marianne Dashwood cannot stand Mrs. Ferrers.

Edward Ferrers to Elinor Dashwood
“I thought I might pay a visit this afternoon.”
Lucy Steele said: “Oh, you must!”
Lucy Steele said: “i mean, I would love to met you!”
Edward Ferrers said: “You're staying with them?”
Lucy Steele said: “I most certainly am!”

Elinor Dashwood wonders if things could get more awkward.

Colonel Brandon to Elinor Dashwood
“I heard about Willoughby. Perhaps it will help your sister to know that the man is a scoundrel who seduced and abandoned my adopted daughter and her child.”
Elinor Dashwood said: “Sir, you cannot be serious!”
Colonel Brandon said: “Regretfully I am.”

Marianne Dashwood will never face life with a smile again.

Miss Steele wishes Edward would hurry up and marry Lucy.
Fanny Dashwood said: “WHAT?!?!?! ARE THEY SECRETLY ENGAGED?”
Miss Steele said: “Oh crap.”

Lucy Ferrers is terrified but knows she can depend upon her darling Edward.

Marianne Dashwood CANNOT believe that EDWARD is secretly engaged to LUCY.

Elinor is really glad the secret is finally out.
Marianne Dashwood said: “YOU KNEW? How on earth did you keep it inside you? Oh Elinor, I am so sorry!”

Mrs. Ferrers is no longer friends with Edward Ferrers.

Colonel Brandon to Elinor Dashwood
“I find myself very sorry for Edward Ferrers and I think I might have a living to offer him. Could you perhaps tell him?”

Elinor Dashwood thinks things did indeed get more awkward.

Edward Ferrers is wondering exactly why Colonel Brandon wanted to give him a living. Is the Colonel sweet on Elinor?
(viewable only to limited friends)

Marianne Dashwood thinks life is nothing more than a series of tragedies.

Elinor Dashwood thinks it is high time to go home.

Marianne Dashwood cannot resist the chance to walk by Willoughby's home – even if it is raining. For it is far better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

Elinor Dashwood is terrified that her sister's sickness will prove fatal.
Colonel Brandon said: “Please, is there anything I can do to assist her?”
Elinor Dashwood said: “Bring my Mother.”

John Willoughby to Elinor Dashwood
“I heard Marianne was dying. I could not stay away. You must believe that I truly loved her. I was going to propose to her when my aunt found out about my love child and insisted I marry the baby's mother. She was a foolish girl that I never loved – how could I marry her when I was in love with your sister?”
Elinor Dashwood said: “Because it was your duty and your mistake to atone for.”

Marianne Dashwood feels very sorry for Eliza and her baby and is very glad she did not, after all, marry Willoughby.

Mrs. Dashwood is so very thankful that her daughter has recovered.

Elinor Dashwood is thankful to be home.

Colonel Brandon to Marianne Dashwood
“Might I call on you tomorrow?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “Yes, you may.”

Marianne Dashwood's relationship status is IT'S COMPLICATED.

Margaret Dashwood is wondering if someone wants to tell her why the servant says EDWARD is married to Lucy Steele?

Elinor Dashwood has decided it is time to move on.

Colonel Brandon is wondering if Marianne might like to try his piano at Delaford.
Marianne Dashwood said: “I should love to.”

Marianne Dashwood and Colonel Brandon are now in a relationship.

Marianne Dashwood has come to realize that her sister Elinor is her greatest role model.
Elinor Dashwood said: “Isn't that rather high praise?”
Marianne Dashwood said: “No. I've been sentimental and foolish and have let my emotions overcome me. I ought to have conducted myself with your restraint.”

Edward Ferrers is on his way to Barton Cottage.

Edward Ferrers to Elinor Dashwood
“How are you? It has been a long time since we've talked.”
Elinor Dashwood said: “I am quite well. And how is Mrs. Ferrers?”
Edward Ferrers: “My mother is quite well.”
Elinor Dashwood said: “I mean your wife. You know. Lucy.”
Edward Ferrers said: “You mean Mrs. Robert Ferrers? Lucy decided she'd rather marry the brother with the money and so here I am, absolutely single.”
Elinor Dashwood: “Absolutely single?”

Edward Ferrers changed his relationship status to SINGLE.

Elinor Dashwood to Edward Ferrers
“I... don't know what to say.”
Edward Ferrers said: “Say you will marry me.”

Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferrers are now MARRIED.

Marianne Dashwood and Colonel Brandon are now MARRIED.

Margaret Dashwood is turning the empty bedroom into a pirate cave.


Jessica Greyson said...

Oh this was indescribably delightful! Thank you for your clever narrative.


Elizabeth Amy Hajek said...

You're welcome, Jessica! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :)